Not My Babies Anymore

Today was a day where I realized it’s time to do a little bit more of what I think is the hardest part of parenting- letting go. Coming out of the gym Bear was eager to get out of my arms and walk on his own. He is now just holding my hand and walking down the stairs himself! (He tries to go right behind Cooper and touch Coop’s head after he makes it down each stair.) I was so impressed with him and when we got home he wanted to walk where I used to carry him. He is getting so independent. Then I look up and see that Cooper is going down the big staircase by himself and out of eyesight! Fear lurched in my heart as I thought he might tumble down the stairs but he was fine and waiting for me to clap for him that he did it all by himself.

We made it downstairs to the apartment and I dropped our stuff inside and when I came back outside I saw Bear literally running towards a flock of geese screaming at the top of his lungs! Again with the panic in my heart. I had this image of them turning on him and chasing him and biting him. Instead he ended up splitting the flock in half and they avoided him carefully. Then Cooper, in a shocking twist, took off running at the other half and seriously chased one half of the flock way down to the end of the apartment. I had to call him back. Then I just sat there and watched them as they explored. Cooper is into picking berries off bushes and handing them to me. Bear started kicking the soccer ball. It was just one of those days where I realized (yet again) my boys are growing up. Then Bear started eating goose poop and I laughed because he reminded me he’s still my baby. Whew, I was getting worried.

Dream House

We found our dream house today.

I spent the morning perusing Craigs List for a crib for Cooper. Given our stay has been extended a lot longer than we anticipated all of our stuff is in storage. It’s time for Cooper to get a real bed. I found a listing for a nice crib that met all m criteria and it was dirt cheap but she didn’t show a picture. So after looking at 517 other listings I couldn’t find another one so we had to make the 30 minute drive out to a town called Creedmor just to look at this bed. We knew we were getting there when we turned onto the dirt and gravel road and passed a somewhat disheveled man on a tractor with a few labs running in his yard. We pulled into an almost 5 acre lot surrounded by cattle fencing. First time I’d ever heard of it but it supposedly keeps the animals out. The driveway was lined with a cool log type of fencing and we pulled up to this gorgeous house. It is 3 bedrooms with a loft that overlooks a saltwater pool. Each bedroom is huge and has it’s own full bathroom. The pool has been designed to have a large section of just 3-4 feet and then a whole deep end section. (Did I mention there is a button you can push that turns the salt into chlorine if you want?) There is a huge playground and then a huge garage that has an office, a woodshop type place and it has a kid playroom with chalkboard walls. (I could home school in there!!!) And the master bathroom it was like its own bedroom.

I felt really bad for the woman because she had moved down here from Boston and the building of the house had wrecked her marriage so she has to put it up on the market in a few weeks. Doesn’t that just seem too good to be true?? Alas she is asking for about 200K more than we are looking to spend BUT we did some comps and she clearly doesn’t know the market so maybe just maybe when she gets a real estate agent and prices it right we can negotiate!!

Everybody think positive thoughts for us. Not sure if you can tell but I really want this house!!!

Too Sweet For Words

How Sweet They Are

Yeah, yeah, yeah...

It's been three weeks, yada yada yada.

So, last night, Abbie had an appointment at 6:30PM in Willow Springs, which is like, 45 mins away from where we live. (She said it was a beautiful little area...so I have a feeling we'll be driving down there one weekend to check it out). I had to be home early so she could leave in time. Her appt was to last about 1.5 to 2 hours. Bear nurses every 3 hours. So, putting that colledge edumacation to work, she could be gone for up to 3.5 hours.

That means Bear might end up getting hungry while I'm watching him. My thought, "Pshaw, he'll be okay."

Little did I know.

At 7:30, after all this time of the boys being really good and playing by themselves or with each other, suddenly, Bear decides he's going to fuss, chase me around the apartment, want to be picked up, and eat. So he goes on a 30 minute screamfest.

Now, usually, I can put him to sleep in a matter of minutes by rocking him in the La-Z-boy, but usually not around the 8PM timef rame when he gets hungry. So, I pick him up and we rock and rock and rock and rock and rock...nothing...just screaming............on his part, not mine...although I was close.

Cooper, all this time, is getting tired and is ready to go to bed (minus the big mound o' poop in his diaper). He's played by himself while I tried to work over Bear. So now he stands at my legs, watching me rock and rock and rock and rock with Bear screaming bloody murder. Coop crawls up into my lap on the opposite leg from Bear, sits there about 10 seconds looking at Bear, then says, "Awwww", leans over and gives Bear a big hug. No kidding, within a few minutes, Bear is quiet and starts to fall asleep.

It was the cutest thing. I think they're going to be very close brothers. :-)

My Joy

I am beginning to think that Cooper was put on this earth just to make me laugh! Last night I told him it was night-night time and went about my way getting his stuff ready for bed. He was running around saying, “night-night” and I started looking for his water and little choo choo train. I looked in all the normal spots and finally just decided he was getting a car instead and filled up a different water bottle. I get into his room and he had already put his choo choo and water bottle into his crib! He was standing in front of the crib waiting on me with a book!!!

So today we packed up to go for the gym and went prepared with DVD’s and bananas. Have I mentioned Cooper has become a banana fiend? We have to hide them because if he sees them he will not stop asking for them! Anyway at home I give him a whole banana and he eats it just fine. Today I gave Diana a banana to give him and again I hear her scream, “Cooper!!!!” I look over and the kid is stuffing the ENTIRE banana in his mouth and smiling at her. He was messing with her! Oh man I am still laughing.

So after the gym I took the boys to the playground and Cooper immediately started running up the stairs and sliding down the slide. Sully was fussy and wanted to eat so I hesitantly went to the side and let Cooper keep up the routine. He got to the top looked at me with this sh*t eating grin and suddenly threw his choo choo train down the slide and started laughing (I almost had a heart attack!) then he went sliding after it over and over again! I couldn’t stop laughing- which is probably why he kept doing it.

So now as I am typing he’s jumping on the couch behind me wrapping his arms around my neck and going to one side or the other yelling, “booooo!” and then jumping off the couch landing on all fours and laughing with Sully then getting up again and doing it all over again.

I don’t know what I would do without the pure, innocent laughter and just utter joy Coop brings.

A Guest Post From Grandma Goat About Her Recent Visit With Us In Raleigh

Baby Time

Having visited Abbie, Jim and the boys for a few days this week in NC, I realize that I’ve lost all sense of time. I’m now ready for bed when Cooper goes to sleep and wake up when he makes his first peep in the morning (sometimes more loudly than others.) I enjoy napping when both Sully and Cooper are down for their afternoon naps.

It feels like I’ve been in a time warp as I’ve lost touch with my own schedule and quickly blended into “baby time”.

Yesterday, on my walk with Cooper this different sense of time was contrasted to what we may want to call “normal time.” Cooper was delighted to sit and watch a mother duck sitting on her nest of eggs. He squealed with pleasure as he caught his first glimpse of the lake below where we were perched on the hillside. He noticed every coo of the dove above us and laughed and laughed each time a butterfly closely flew by. At one point we played with bubbles of which he never tired of trying to catch and pop each one.

As our walk continued, Coop asked if he could get out of the stroller and walk. As we walked on the sidewalk by a line of parked cars, we practiced the colors. He stopped at each car and pointed as I called out the color. He stopped and pondered a white truck for a longer time and was totally oblivious to everything else. I was about 4 feet ahead of him pushing the stroller, when a young woman came up behind Cooper in her swim attire. She asked Cooper, rather sternly, to keep moving so she could get by. I also asked Cooper to move forward, however, he was deeply contemplating this white truck like a deer in the headlights and didn’t appear to hear either of us. The young woman then sucked through her teeth and told Cooper to move on or at least give her room to move by. As I was walking back to help with this intensifying situation, she squeezed herself around Cooper breaking his dazed stare at the truck. He was so stunned that he fell over landing on his hands. Now I had seen that she hadn’t touched him but my “GiGi radar was out” and I joined Cooper in the drama that had been created. The young woman was aghast as Cooper was flailing and screaming like she had killed him. She kept assuring us that she hadn’t touched him. I then picked him up and said, “Don’t worry Cooper, she’s obviously in a much bigger hurry than we are. She’s not on baby time.”

Today it’s time to head back home to Virginia and I know that I have to switch gears to a faster pace. I find myself reflecting over the past few days. I leave my grandsons and their Mommy in “baby time” with a keen sense that Cooper and Sully are teaching us to be in the present moment. I recall how Cooper explores every little thing in his environment as though it were the first time over and over again. I watch Sully calling out for us to give him attention even though it may not fit into our scheduled birthday party for their Dad. I’m even going to miss watching “Doodlebops,” with blue, pink, and yellow characters on TV with Cooper each morning. I think we could all use more “baby time” in our hectic lives and plan to try to be more mindful in my own life – thanks to my teachers, Cooper and Sully!

Birth Story of Sullivan Blair Monihan

I’ll never forget the words Jim uttered one night in bed, “You are acting like you did when you were pregnant with Cooper!”

So after the requisite 5 pregnancy tests we let it sink in and began to plan the birth that we wanted. I re-read The Good Earth solidifying my decision to have the baby at home. While my memory of the book was a bit skewed from high school- I remembered the farmer’s wife working the farm until she gave birth then strapping the baby into a sling and going back to work! After re-reading it yes she went in and gave birth alone but she did relax for a few days before going back out to the farm :-) There was something about knowing that once upon a time having the baby at home was the way you did it and that was what was normal. With Jim being 100% supportive I took great comfort in the knowledge that we were taking charge of our birth.

I still had a healthy dose of fear from my 52 hour labor with Cooper, but I was determined. As the due date (5/17) came and went and everyone kept asking me when I was going to be induced some of those old fears came creeping in. What if I didn’t go into labor on my own and I had to be induced in the hospital? All that planning for a home birth down the drain! Every night before I went to sleep I would talk to the baby and pray I would wake up in labor. I had several dreams I was in labor and when I woke up I can’t describe the disappointment that it was just a dream. A week later and still no baby I had to go meet the back-up doctor who started to pressure me to induce that weekend. (Memorial Day was coming!) We got the sonogram to check the placenta levels and tried to smile nicely when the technician said, “Well you were probably a great Birth Care pre-natal patient, just not an actual birthing candidate.” We then made the trek to Birth Care and when we walked in everyone asked with looks of hope if I was feeling anything and when I replied that the sonogram showed the baby was not making any movement to start labor they all waved it off and said, “Oh well you still have another week.” I had an immediate sense of relief, they weren’t pressuring me! This was why I didn’t want to be at the hospital. I had to do something to get myself into labor! I bought a HUGE bottle of castor oil and stared at it thinking, should I just try it?

Instead I went back to the acupuncturist that had previously promised me I would go into labor in 2 days for Cooper (which I did!) for some more of his magic. I told him I was afraid because while last time I went into labor in 2 days it then lasted for 52 hours. He then promised me after this treatment my labor would only be 8 hours. Feeling hopeful I decided to close up at work and make Friday my last day. As I said goodbye to everyone I got a call from Birth Care. The doctor had called and felt that the placenta fluid level wasn’t where she was comfortable with and wanted me to come in on Saturday to try Cervidil and a catheter instead of Sunday. I was devastated. I wanted to give birth on my terms and now I felt totally powerless and I was at this doctor’s mercy. There was something about the midwife Erin though. Her attitude was so positive and nurturing. I put my trust in her and we made plans to meet at Birth Care at 8:30 am. My mother and step-father, Chris, showed up to watch Cooper and we headed off to Birth Care with a sense of excitement and also a fear that it might not work. If it didn’t work we would have to go back on Sunday to try the Cervidil again. Erin was wonderful as I had my first internal exam since the beginning of the pregnancy. Unfortunately I started to bleed heavily and she was unable to put the catheter behind my cervix. We decided to just try the Cervidil. I got to lie in a bed for two hours listening to the baby’s heartbeat and reading a book. Erin kept saying what a happy baby we had which really put me at ease. We left Birth Care around 11:30 and I again prayed this would be the last trek there and that we wouldn’t have to do this again on Sunday.

I decided that if I did go into labor I wanted to have some homemade juice so we stopped at Whole Foods for some grocery shopping. I was feeling twinges and when the checkout clerk asked when we were due we gleefully told him, “today!” I was starting to walk slower and more and more hopeful that maybe these twinges were going to turn into contractions. We checked in on Cooper who was having a blast with his GiGi and Poppi so we decided to head to Target to get some things we needed. As we walked through Target I knew that the twinges were no longer just twinges but really contractions.

So after Target we decided to keep with tradition and eat out at our favorite Japanese Steak House Sakura. (We ate there while I was in labor with Coop.) As we ate I started to time the contractions- every three minutes but they were still very manageable. The lady next to us asked when we were due and this time I answered, “Oh hopefully in a few hours”. She was shocked and then proceeded to tell me her birth stories for her 4 children (all planned cesareans) and how she would recommend the epidural to all women. After lunch I was ready to go home. I was no longer feeling that joyful feeling every contraction, they were starting to hurt. The memory of 40 hours of contractions with Cooper just stayed in my consciousness. I didn’t want to get my hopes up.

I tried to stay busy at home by bouncing on the birthing ball or playing with Cooper. I finally gave up and went upstairs. I had purchased some hypnobirthing CD’s and decided to finally pull them out. I crawled into bed and just lay there listening to the CD’s and focused on breathing and relaxing. I wasn’t scared- I knew I could make it though endless hours of these contractions. I had been very reluctant to indicate to Erin or Hillary they should come out but Erin felt they should come out. Erin arrived first and the baby’s heartbeat was still happy so I went back to listening to the CD’s. I can’t even tell you what I was thinking or what I was feeling, for a little while I just checked out. I was scared that everyone was there and I was going to put them through another 52 hours of torture. Jim had been busy cleaning the house and he finally came upstairs and snuggled with me on the bed. Everything seemed sort of surreal. I just kept my focus on the CD’s and breathing.

Around 7 pm I was up watching Cooper get his bath. My mom was sitting on the toilet playing with him when my water broke. I announced, “My water just broke!” Jim replied, “Are you sure?” I responded, “Well I’m pretty sure I didn’t just pee on myself!” You know that moment you hear about when the father-to-be panics and can’t find the luggage to get you out of the door? Jim had that look for a brief flash and then he was gone to tell Erin and our birth assistant Hillary. Next thing I knew the room as full with people and I knew they weren’t leaving again.

The hypnobirthing CD’s were really doing something to keep me calm. I climbed back in the bed and just focused on relaxing. I was holding on to Jim and Erin or Hillary would massage my legs totally relaxing me. I would hear,"You are doing this perfectly Abbie." from Erin and I could ride out the pain and stay inside my head and tune everything else out. The contractions were coming every 3 or so minutes but I was starting to have them in two’s. I heard Erin tell Jim that typically meant the baby was posterior. I was trying so very hard not to let the negative thoughts in. But the fear was setting in that the baby was in the wrong position and what if I couldn’t do this? I tried standing a few times and lunging. That hurt worse. I kept my eyes shut and focused on the words of the CD and just held on to Jim. I remember once I squeezed his ring finger; I tried to feel bad ;-) He pulled away when I tried to bite him during one of the more painful contractions!

I lost all sense of time I just kept riding the waves and listening to the voice on the CD. At one point we put on some music and within minutes I was asking, well demanding, that they put the lady back on! I can really only recall two images that I focused on over and over again. The first was a rose bud opening and releasing. The second was picking a balloon and letting it float up into the sky. Then suddenly I reached a point when the pain started to be harder to breathe through and they were just rolling over me without a break. I couldn’t get my breath and I started to think I couldn’t do this. It hurt and I was scared this would go on for hours. I announced to the room I was panicking and Erin asked if she could check me to see how far I was dilated. I refused instantly. No way was I going to have her check and tell me I was only 3 cm dilated. I knew I couldn’t survive that. I felt my body convulsing and I just kept my eyes shut and held onto Jim. I was pushing.

I knew I was pushing but I’m not kidding when I tell you I couldn’t accept that it was happening this fast. Jim was getting ready to catch the baby and I remember thinking that I didn’t want my mom to miss the birth. I screamed out, “I want my mom!” I don’t know how she got there because I never opened my eyes. I just held on to her and Erin asked again to check and this time I agreed. She said the baby was pushing against a little bit of the cervix and she was going to push it back. I was pushing, screaming and grunting. Erin said, “Just breath through it Abbie.” I breathed and the head was out. They asked if I wanted to touch his head. I reached down but I didn't feel hair just lots of goop on his head. I breathed again and almost as if on a sigh Jim was placing the baby on my chest. I finally opened my eyes and said, “Sully!”

There was a flurry of commotion all around me but all I could see was Sully on my chest. He was crying his tiny little cry. He had all 10 fingers and all 10 toes and he was crying! A few minutes later they had me push again for the placenta and then we were alone with him. Jim helped me to sit up and we got Sully nursing. Erin and Hillary did all of their blood pressure checks, cord blood collection and did the tests on Sully. I was filled with such pride. Everyone took a guess at his weight- everyone thought over 8.5 pounds but I guessed 8.1 tops. He weighed in at 8 pounds even and 20.5 inches long.

The acupuncturist had promised an 8 hour labor and while it ended up being 9 I’m not complaining! It was one of the most beautiful and rewarding experiences to have done it the way I wanted to and to be surrounded by such a great support system. I felt connected to women around the world somehow sharing a timeless bond. Now I certainly didn’t throw Sully in the sling and go back to work right away but I still feel pretty good about making it through without bothering any neighbors or waking Cooper up!

Welcome to the world Sullivan Blair Monihan!